Evelyn Lives in Heaven Because of Him

This Easter has brought about a variety of mixed emotions for me. I bawled during the entire worship portion of the Easter service because I have vivid memories of signing these songs, worshiping our Savior, and dancing with Evelyn last Easter. You see Evelyn went to Heaven days after Easter last year. I knew this was coming. Easter will forever be a mixed bag of emotions for me as it marks Evelyn’s last holiday with us on earth, but it also marks such a HUGE, joyous event in human history. Easter literally changed the course of events for us. Jesus lives, he rose from the dead, because of this, anyone who believes in him with not perish but have eternal life. So you can see how it it brings mixed emotions for me. Through all of these emotions, the one that registers the most for me this week is peace. A peace brought to me by our Lord.

As a parent, it is in our nature to want to know that our children are always safe. Not being able to see and check in on Evelyn to be sure she is safe has been extremely difficult for me this past year. Questions like: Where is Evelyn right now, at this exact moment? Does she know how much we love and miss her? have been at the forefront of my mind this year. God knew this struggle of mine, and showed me that Evelyn was safe and loved in Heaven in a can’t miss kind of way.

I am not good with gray. My world view is very black or white, right or wrong, my way or the highway. Gray and I do not sit well together. I need solid, defined, no way around it answers. I have learned that faith does not work this way.

There are a lot of different views on who gets into Heaven and how. You will have to forgive my lack of understanding surrounding death and Heaven. I still have so much to learn when it comes to the Bible. Also, I have had the luxury in life of never having to think too hard about the specifics of death. Do not get me wrong, I have experienced death in my life, but not the death of someone this close to me. When someone in my life has died (like a grandparent), I just assumed they went to Heaven and moved on. I never thought too deeply about out. Until this year that is. So all these different view points on who gets into Heaven and when they do create a great big gray space for me. This gray space has been one of my biggest struggles so far this year.

Right away at the hospital my pastor assured me that Evelyn was in Heaven with our loving Father and Jesus. This feeling lasted through the fog that was late April and May of 2019. Then I read an article that was posted on Facebook which was written by someone who understands Christianity on a much deeper level than I do which states that no one can enter Heaven without having first had a baptism. This article threw me into a tailspin because Evelyn was called to Heaven before she was baptized. My pastor again reassured me that Evelyn was in fact in Heaven with God and Jesus even though she was not baptized. Can you see all the gray here? On one side is someone is saying no and on the other side someone is saying yes. Where is my solid answer? I NEED that solid answer, especially on this subject.

We also have gray when it comes to timing. Some people believe that we go to Heaven right when we leave this earth. Others believe that everyone is waiting on Jesus’ second coming to go to Heaven. This is a major gray space for me. Where is Evelyn right now, at this very moment?!

As the anniversary of her earthly death approaches, I have been thinking more and more about all of this gray, wishing I had a black and white answer. Sunday, March 29th, we were able to watch church from our homes thanks to the hardworking staff at Lutheran Church of the Master. All of this gray was on my mind as I watched the service. During the confession portion of our service, our pastor told us to tell God exactly what was on our hearts. He was more than likely referring to all of the fear and uncertainty surrounding the Corona Virus, but that is not really where my head is right now. So I used the silent reflection time to tell God that I wasn’t sure what to believe about where Evelyn is right now. All of this gray is too much for me. I needed a black and white answer.

As the service continued, the sermon was about John Chapter 11 - Lazarus’ death and Jesus raising him from the dead. The pastor was making the point that while this earth and humanity is filled with fear and uncertainty. Jesus is full of assurance. Jesus is the resurrection and eternal life. As he was reading from John 11: 25-26, I felt like he could have replaced the name Martha with Emily. The Lord was speaking directly to me to let me know that “Everyone who lives in me and believes in me will never ever die.” The Lord was letting me know that Evelyn is not dead, she Is alive in Heaven. Tears were streaming down my face during the service as I realized what God was showing me.

I walked away from that service with a huge weight lifted. God had given me my black and white answer of where Evelyn is right now. She is in Heaven because of Jesus, our Savior. No doubt about it. Then, as if that were not enough, He gave me another reassurance. Just to be sure I heard Him. On my phone I downloaded the YouVersion App of the Bible. This app comes with the ability to notify you of a daily verse for your reading and reflection. I have this set this notification for later in the evening when Katherine has gone to bed, so I can read it peacefully. The verse on this particular Sunday was a well known one, John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.“ Here He was again, letting me know that Evelyn is not dead, but she is alive in Heaven with Him.

I cannot tell you the peace His reminders have brought me as we approach the anniversary of Evelyn’s earthly death. It is my prayer that He reassures everyone in this same way as they share their struggles with Him.

Happy Easter from my family to yours. “He is not here; he has risen, just as he said.” Matthew 28:6

-The Blessed Mourner