The Other Side

Early on right after Evelyn went to live in Heaven, people would tell me that Evelyn was in a better place now. I struggled to accept that. Isn’t the best place for a child with her parents? Evelyn should be here with us on earth. If I am being honest, it has been 7 months since Evelyn went to live in Heaven, and I am still struggling with it. As human as I am, I think I will always struggle with it. God knows this, and He gave me some peace to cling to when I am struggling. I wanted to share that peace with you.

In my last post, I wrote about a conversation I was having with God while I was journaling at the LCM Women’s Retreat (Shameless Plug: Next year’s dates are Oct. 23rd and 24th, 2020 - Get it on your calendars!) After my conversation with the Lord and Kimmi’s story about the little girl walking with Jesus, I was still struggling with Evelyn going to live in Heaven. Was it truly a better place for her to be than with us here on earth?

I know the answer seems simple and obvious, but I have only ever heard this being said of someone who had lived a full life and may have been in pain towards the end of his/her life. I had never heard it being said about someone who was so young, so full of energy, and had so much life ahead. To this day, I continue to struggle with the simple and obvious answer. So, without having to ask Him, God pushed some comfort my way for when I doubt the obvious.

Ever since the Women’s Retreat, I have made a habit of getting up early to start my day journaling and praying to the Lord, and reading His Word. I am not going to lie, it was difficult at first to wake up at 5:00 in the morning when I am used to waking up at 6:15 or 6:30. Those first few mornings the Lord had to push me out of bed, but I did it. And I am so thankful I did. I look forward to my time with the Lord every morning. Everyone in the house is still asleep, it is just Him and me. And I love it! I lay down everything on my heart in that journal to the Lord, and then I dive into The Bible. It is by far the most peaceful way to start my mornings.

So on Tuesday morning while I was reading The Bible, without even actively thinking about it - I have learned that that’s the thing about grief, you won’t even be actively thinking about it, but it is still there. It sneaks up on you out of nowhere especially when you think you are in a good place. - The Lord placed Psalm 84:10 in my lap, “A single day in your courts is better than a thousand anywhere else!” I immediately thought of Evelyn up in Heaven living her best life. I smiled to myself thinking that God put this verse in my path today to give me peace, boxed the verse in my Bible so I could refer back to it, and moved on with my day.

As I was on the way to work Tuesday morning, I was thinking about a conversation I wanted to have with a teacher. I wasn’t even really listening to the music that was on the radio. All of a sudden, something broke through my practice conversation. - Do you ever do that? Have practice conversations with yourself before the actual conversation? Well, I do. So if I ever approach you for a conversation, know it is probably practiced. - Back to the story, what broke through the practice conversation was a man singing these lyrics:

I know that you're in a better place But I'm still here missing you today

It isn't easy to say goodbye But I know it's only for a little while Run up ahead and I will catch up 'Cause I'm gonna see you when tomorrow comes On the other side

It was as if he was singing the words straight from my heart. It took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes. I had never heard this song before, and I have not heard it since Tuesday morning. It actually took 30 minutes of ‘Googling’ before I started writing to figure out that the song was called “The Other Side” and was by Colton Dixon. I know God put that song on the radio station for me to hear. He wanted me to hear someone else’s perspective on a loved one going to Heaven first. He also knows that while I love reading His word and that verse from Psalm Chapter 84 will be something I reread often, truly when my heart is heavy, I turn to music. So He gave me this song to listen to when I am struggling with Evelyn not being here on earth with us.

I believe this song is God’s way of acknowledging that yes, it is hard to say good-bye to Evelyn. But it is only for a little while, and I will catch up to her when tomorrow comes. I will cling to this promise while I wait for tomorrow to come.

-The Blessed Mourner