The Plan

They say hindsight is 20/20. To begin our journey into how the Lord has blessed me, we need to start BEFORE Evelyn went to Heaven.

God clicked pieces of the puzzle together before I even saw the picture on the box. Without these pieces, I cannot tell you how Andrew, Katherine and I would have handled Evelyn's passing. As you read about the pieces God put together for me, can you see puzzle pieces in your life that God is clicking together to help you?

Piece #1: A Childlike Faith

A couple of things happened around Christmas 2018 to help bring my family closer to God before Evelyn joined Him in Heaven.

Around this time, Katherine had been imitating someone who said, "Jesus," in a disgusted voice when this person was upset. When Katherine said this, I told her that Jesus is a special person (for lack of better words), and we do not say His name in that way when we are upset.

Katherine had a lot of questions about this special person. Up to this point, Katherine had been to maybe 6 or 7 church services in her life. One for each Christmas and Easter, one for her baptism, and one more thrown in there for good measure just in case I forgot one. Admittedly, we were 'C & E'-ers before Christmas of 2018, meaning we only attended church on Christmas and Easter. My family's relationship with God was not much of relationship at all.

After our Christmas service, the questions started in a way that only 3 year olds can ask questions: Who is Jesus? Who is God? I've never met God or Jesus. Where are they? I can't see them. Where is Heaven? When is Jesus' birthday party? Are my friends going to His birthday party?

So many questions... I began to run out of answers to her questions. I decided that I needed some help. The week after Christmas, we began to go to church every Sunday (with a few exceptions) in the hopes that Katherine would learn more about God and Jesus in Sunday School, or 'her class' as we call it.

Each Sunday, Katherine was in her class learning more about God and Jesus. Evelyn was playing in the nursery feeling His presence, no doubt. And Drew and I were in 'our class.' I began to grow closer to God. I began to listen to the Christian radio station, K-Love, singing worship songs in the car with my girls. I began to pray more. Mostly asking for His help in parenting my spirited 3 year old, who is so much like me it isn't even funny. Unless you ask my mom... She thinks it's pretty funny.

This was puzzle piece number one. God called us back to Him because He knew we would NEED Him very soon. He knew that if my relationship with Him was what it was before Christmas, I would not feel as comfortable talking to Him about my struggles. He knew that I would not feel close enough to Him. So He called me home before I would need it.

Piece #2: A Place Called Heaven

It is our weekly routine to go to my parent's house on Sunday nights for what we call Sunday Night Dinner (SND). We have done this since Drew and I moved out of my parents' house after getting our feet on the ground in Omaha. My parents serve a home cooked meal, and my girls get to have quality time with their grandparents. It is a win, win as some call it.

My parents had a dog, Alvin, that was 13 years old. If you think about the timing 13 years ago, you can guess the event that caused Alvin to come into the picture. He lived the life of a spoiled empty nester dog. So much so that my brother complained that Alvin had become the new favorite son. Alvin was a big part of the SND routine. Katherine had hated him at first, but had come to love him. Evelyn loved him from the very start. Unless he licked her, then she cried. We was a member of the family.

Alvin was getting older. He began showing signs that his quality of life was not great. I could see this and asked that my parents give me a warning to talk to Katherine before we show up for SND with no Alvin there. Two weeks before Evelyn went to Heaven, my parents told me that Alvin's time has come, they were going to make an appointment soon. If we wanted to tell Katherine, we should do it before the next SND so she could say good-bye. Two weeks before Evelyn went to Heaven, we explained to Katherine what Heaven was.

We told her that Alvin would not be with us here on Earth much longer. He had lived a long, long life in doggie years, and his time to go to Heaven would be soon. We told her that Heaven was where people (and animals) from Earth went when they had lived a long life here on Earth. Heaven is a place with everything anyone could ever want. Alvin would be so happy to be there. He would get to be with God and Jesus until we could all join him again some day. He would not be a Grandma and Papa's house anymore.

She seemed to understand in her 3 year old mind that Alvin would not be at Grandma and Papa's anymore. As time went on and she processed, she had more questions about Heaven. One day in the car as she was processing, she made the statement that Heaven must be where 'old people' (her words, not mine) lived. This gave me a good chuckle.

As it turns out, Evelyn died before Alvin, but this introduction to Heaven for Katherine helped her understand where Evelyn was in the chaos of the morning they took Evelyn's body from our house. That morning, I called my mom after they took Evelyn's body in the ambulance. Drew followed the ambulance to the hospital, but I stayed home with Katherine until my mom could pick us up. In my shock, I knew I needed someone to watch Katherine at the hospital. While we waited for my mom, Katherine was again asking questions like only a 3 year old can ask.

K: Mommy, where did Evelyn go?

Me: Heaven, baby. She is in Heaven.

K: With God and Jesus?

Me: Yes, baby. She is with God and Jesus.

More questions came after that like if Evelyn had her bottles or MumMums in Heaven (she is such a caring big sister!), but as you can see, she understood where Evelyn was. Evelyn was with God and Jesus, and Katherine knew it.

In that moment, I don't think my explanation of Heaven would have been great for Katherine. I would not have been able to explain that Heaven is actually a great place. She would not have understood anything about Heaven, and more than likely it would have scared her more than she already was scared that morning. As I sit here today, I know that God had me explain Heaven to Katherine in a positive way before she would find out that Heaven was where her little sister would now wait for us.

Before Evelyn died, I just thought I was growing closer to God because I was blessed with two perfect girls and wanted to raise them with faith. I figured that Katherine would understand where Alvin was when my parents decided to put him down. After Evelyn's death, I recognized these two pieces of my life puzzle that God clicked together for me before she joined Him in Heaven. I can feel in my bones that they have completely changed the course of life after Evelyn's passing.

Now, I want you to take a look at your life puzzle. Are you in the hardest time of your life as I am, is your life is going exactly as you have always dreamed, or some where in between? Take some time to reflect on how God is clicking the pieces of your life puzzle together.

-The Blessed Mourner