Trusting God’s Plan

This post starts with the story of the day we went to see Santa. It was one week ago today. It was a ”stay home day” meaning we did not have to go to daycare or work. On stay home days we always go over the plan when we wake up. Stay at home days are not structured the same as daycare days. So going over the plan helps Katherine know what to expect that day.

On this particular stay home day, we had two major things to accomplish, grocery store and Image Society to see Santa. I thought Image Society was open until 5 PM, so I told Katherine the plan was for her to play with her dad while I went to the grocery store. Then I would come home and take them to Image Society to see Santa.

When I went upstairs to get ready for the day, I checked the Image Society page to be sure it was open as late as I thought it was. I found out that it ended at 1 PM. We did not have time for me to go to the store before going down to Image Society to see Santa. I knew I was going to have to change the plan. It was not going to be pleasant. I was going to have to tell Katherine that she was not going to get to play with her daddy as long as she thought. In fact, she had to stop playing right away so we could get ready for Santa. I knew how much this would disappoint her. She LOVES playing with her daddy.

So, when I was changing the plan, I included eating lunch at Costco to soften the blow of not being able to play like was originally planned. You see, Katherine loves eating lunch at Costco. We share a slice of their cheese pizza. It is so simple and so cheap, but she loves it. I knew including this in the new plan might help Katherine accept that our plans had to change. It was with this new plan in mind that I went downstairs to break the news.

I told Katherine that the plan had to change, and she might not like the first part, but she needed to let me get through the whole plan because there was something in the middle she would like. As expected, the second I said she had to stop playing with her daddy and get in the bath she started to cry. She said it was not fair, I told her she could play with her daddy while I went to the store. She was right, but I had planned for this disappointment. Calmly, I reminded to let me get through the whole plan. She was going to like it, just trust me. When I got to the eating lunch at Costco part, she started jumping up and down and ran over to give me a hug. I said, “I told you it would be a good change in plans!”

So the day unfolded according to the new plan. Katherine stopped playing, got in the bath. We went to see Santa, Image Society took some great pictures. Then we were off to lunch at Costco! Even though the first part of the plan was not how she would have wanted it, she still enjoyed the day very much!

In one of my early enteries, I wrote about how sure I was that Evelyn’s death was a part of God’s plan for my life. It has been a tough pill to swallow. I still do not know why it is a part of the plan, and I have done plenty of complaining about this part of God’s plan for my life. I specifically remember one moment from months ago when our pastor was at our house checking in on us, I said “This plan sucks!” Graciously, he let me get that off my chest without pointing out that God’s plans never suck. After months of complaining, God used Katherine to remind me that I was going to like His plan, just trust Him.

I honestly cannot tell you the exact moment this week that God put this thought in my mind, but at some point during the week I was going over Saturday’s events in my mind marveling at how quickly Katherine went from crying about losing her play time to jumping for joy at getting to eat lunch at Costco. God compared her first reaction to the new plan for last Saturday to my own reaction about His plan for my life. You see, my reaction has been very similar to her initial reaction. There has been a lot of crying and yelling about how unfair it is. But it was with a gentle reminder that God said, “Trust Me.”

So even though it has been difficult celebrating our first Thanksgiving, my first birthday, and coming up on the first Christmas and New Years without Evelyn here on earth with us, I trust in God’s plan for my life. I know I am in the hard part right now, and that he has more in store for me.

-The Blessed Mourner