Emotion's Shorthand

Leo Tolstoy once said, "Music is the shorthand of emotion."

K-Love calls it a "K-Love moment." The moment God puts a song on their radio station for you, to comfort you in a situation you are struggling with. They have listeners call in and share their "K-Love moments" to inspire other listeners who are struggling.

Have you ever been certain that God could hear your thoughts or feel your feelings, and He acted accordingly? I certainly felt that with two songs I heard on K-Love. I am certain God put these two songs into my life to help me process the emotions he could see me struggling with after Evelyn joined Him and Jesus in Heaven.

The first, "Thy Will" by Hillary Scott. The second, "Well Done" by The Afters. Each song came to me at just the right time in my grief journey.

Thy Will by Hillary Scott

We spent most of the day that Evelyn went to Heaven at my parent's house. Their house is right across the street from the hospital she was taken to, and I wasn't ready to go home without her yet. So, there we stayed processing how our lives had been completely altered that day. We finally decided to go home after dinner at 7:30 or 8. Katherine and I got in the van, and Drew got into his car home to go home.

As I mentioned in my post, The Plan, K-Love is newly the radio station that is generally on in my car, especially when the girls are with me. So naturally, it was on when we left my parent's house that night. Right after I turned the corner out of my parent's circle, a song started that I had never heard before. It immediately caught my attention. It felt as if Hillary Scott was singing the words of this song straight from my heart. She was singing the words, but they were coming from my heart.

The song starts with these lyrics:

"I'm so confused I know I heard You loud and clear So, I followed through Somehow I ended up here"

In The Plan, I also wrote about how God called me back to Him through Katherine's questions around Christmas 2018. As Hillary said, I was confused because I had heard Him. I followed through, we were going to church every week and I was growing closer to Him. Yet somehow, I ended up here without Evelyn.

The song goes on to put more of my emotions into words:

"I may never understand That my broken heart is a part of Your plan"

I am certain it was in God's plan for Evelyn to join Him and Jesus in Heaven after only 349 on earth. I can see and feel it in my life. This is a knowledge I struggle with each and every day. While I am on earth, I am not sure that I will understand why this was a part of His plan.

"I know You're good But this don't feel good right now"

God is such a loving and caring God, there is so much scripture to prove it. But this journey we are walking right now hurts, bad.

"Sometimes I gotta stop Remember that You're God And I am not So

Thy will be done"

Even though it tore my heart open to think of all of the ways I could have possibly stopped this from happening to my baby, I could not stop my mind from going there. This part of the song helped me get through the fact that I had no control over what happened to Evelyn.

"Your plans are for me Goodness You have in store"

When something like this happens, it is easy to feel ignored by God. However, I am certain that God has a plan for me, and it is going to be good.

The song ends with:

"I know you see me I know you hear me, Lord"

This ending always put peace in my heart that the Lord sees and hears me. To this day, when I hear this song, I tear up knowing that whatever it is I am going through, God sees me, and He hears me.

This song became 'my song' during those first few weeks after Evelyn passed. Each time I was feeling overwhelmed with grief, I would play this song (sometimes on repeat) and know that I was seen and heard by the Lord.

Well Done by The Afters

I was in the car with my mom in the early days after Evelyn went to Heaven. This song came on, and my mom made a comment about how this song reminded her of Evelyn because she imagined God saying that to her when she got to Heaven.

I had heard this song on K-Love before Evelyn passed and (even after she passed) and did not really think much about it other than it was like "I Can Only Imagine" by MercyMe.

The chorus of Well Done is:

"Well done, well done My good and faithful one Welcome to the place where you belong Well done, well done My beloved child You have run the race and now you're home Welcome to the place where you belong"

What my mom did not know was that I was struggling with what Evelyn's journey to Heaven was like. Like any mother, I did not want her to be scared. I wanted her to be happy. I knew she was happy once she was in Heaven and felt God's and Jesus' love (because who wouldn't be?!), but what was she feeling on her way to Heaven?

Instantly, this song had a new meaning for me. I heard it with this new thought of God talking to Evelyn. How could she be scared in the presence of such greatness?! Again, God had calmed my worry for Evelyn through my mom and this song.

Now, Drew and I like to image that she rolled over and rubbed her eyes as she usually did when we turned the lights on in her room and awoke to the gloriousness of Heaven.

Every time I heard these two songs in those early days (and to this day), I thought of Evelyn.

Mother's Day Weekend

To be brutally honest, Mother's Day weekend was rough for me. It was only a few weeks after Evelyn passed away. Friday was Evelyn's first birthday. Not the way I imagined we would celebrate it, but still beautiful in its own way.

Then Sunday came. I was missing Evelyn like crazy, wishing she could have been here to wish me a Happy Mother's Day in bed with Katherine that the morning. After church we were driving in the car, and I heard Thy Will for the second time on the radio (the first time is described above). I thought hearing this song alone was Evelyn saying Happy Mother's Day to me, I smiled and made everyone in the car listen to it on loud. Then, Well Done came on right after that, and I knew it was God at work. After hearing both of these songs together on the radio, I knew it was God allowing Evelyn to tell me Happy Mother's Day.

God allowed Evelyn to say Happy Mother's Day to me because He knew how much I was missing her that day. Again, I felt as if God could hear/see my unspoken struggles and acted accordingly. He comforted me when I was mourning. Has God ever done this for you? Maybe He did not answer your prayers in the way you wanted Him to, that's not really what I am asking. I am asking has He given you spiritual comfort when you were struggling with a situation in your life? This is His promise in Matthew 5:4, "God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted." How has He comforted you in your mourning of a relationship, house, loved one, or any other situation?

-The Blessed Mourner